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Many men feel angry and used when women they’re corresponding with disappear from online dating sites or people from live cam sites. Men even find themselves blocked, and many men accuse women of leading them on or playing mind games.
If this sounds familiar, and your communications start off well but often end with women blocking you or falling silent, examine whether your behavior could be the cause.
From the female perspective, men deserve to be blocked when they over-step the mark in some way.
Six common reasons a woman might block you, are below.
- You think you’re the only candidate for her.
The good news is, you have the same chances as any other man to impress the woman of your desires. The bad news is, every other man on the site is a potential love rival. Don’t panic, though; that’s how it’s supposed to be; dating sites were developed so men and women had plenty of options.
Suggesting a woman should close or hide her profile now she’s ‘met’ you–when you’ve only chatted online–or quizzing her about why she put up new photos when she only needs to send them to you, is a bad idea. You’ll come across as controlling and insecure, and these traits aren’t at the top of a woman’s dating wish-list.
- You race ahead.
Allowing a woman to dictate the pace is vital since she has no idea of who you are. While gender equality applies, many women serious about finding love still appreciate old-fashioned, gentlemanly qualities. One of these qualities is the male allowing the female to move at her own speed.
Many men only send a single message to a woman before thrusting phone numbers her way and insisting on a call. That’s far too fast and assumes she even wants to swap details; if you follow this route, the woman either feels forced to use her personal contact methods or risk offending you. If you push the pace, she might even feel you’re manipulative.
Some females simply don’t want to end up in a situation where lots of males have their contact details, and why should they? It’s easy enough to meet without exchanging any details at all, and regrettably, women have learned that some men retain numbers a long time after it’s become known that a relationship won’t develop.
Similarly, liking a woman’s photos and finding her attractive isn’t sufficient reason to request a date; a woman wants to know about a man–and feel sure he’s interested for reasons other than her appearance–before she meets him. If you’re pushing for a date after exchanging a few short messages, she might block you on the basis you’re simply poles apart.
You need to express sufficient masculine interest without pressuring her. On the other hand, don’t be aloof; ignore the common advice for men that says you should wait a week before responding, or anything of that sort, because that only gives another man the opportunity to step into your shoes. ‘Snooze, you lose,’ is the saying.
- You behave like she should be constantly available.
Women on dating sites are the same ones you may bump into in the street; they are not avatars. The woman writing to you probably has a busy life and doesn’t owe you a message every few hours; you have no right to impose your expectations.
While we should all be treated with courtesy, once you start sending too many messages, the balance of the relationship alters. You’re unwittingly putting the woman into a position where she cannot live up to your unreasonable demands, and she’ll stop trying.
Think about it; if you’re sending her many messages a day–and presumably, other men are too–how will she find time to work, feed the kids, manage the house and–if it comes to that–write to anyone else? Messaging becomes a full-time job. Maybe that’s your ploy; if you keep her busy enough, she won’t have time for other men. Unfortunately, this strategy will backfire.
The most attractive man will probably be the one who recognizes she needs space, but who’s always responsive and friendly when she does chat.
- You act like a possessive stalker.
Are you ‘that man’ who sends a woman a message asking why she hasn’t written when you can see she’s online, presumably chatting to other guys? Well, if you are that man–stop it.
This petulant behavior should have ceased at kindergarten; if she is the right woman for you, she’ll discover it, and being stalked online by you won’t help your attractiveness. Dating is the same as a job interview; you have no right to insist an employer stops interviewing others just because they’re interviewing you.
Many men also make the mistake of ‘Googling’ women on the internet and proudly presenting back the findings as if it’s an achievement. Telling a woman that you found out where she lives, or that you’ve spent the afternoon reading poems she published in high school, is stalkerish and intrusive.
Repeatedly sending messages to a woman who’s said she isn’t interested is another common activity of men on dating sites; if that sounds like you, it’s not only creepy, but it’s bad manners, aggressive and narcissistic.
A confident man believes in his ability to be the best man for a woman without saying it and retains no interest in women who don’t reciprocate. The more quietly confident you are, the more attractive you’ll be. You don’t need to keep reminding a woman that you’re there, checking up on her or researching her past. She’s a potential date; she’s not seeking someone who’ll keep her in chains.
- You send a barrage of juvenile messages to her phone.
If a woman has given you her contact details, online decorum becomes even more important; perhaps she gave you her details to see how you treated them? Holding confidential information tests who you are as a man and whether you’ll respect her personal boundaries.
It’s common for men to ramp up their contact levels exponentially when a woman hands across the means to do so. It’s a bad idea to bombard someone; while maintaining an interested tone, use personal messaging facilities sparingly and respectfully. If your messages are positive and enthusiastic, you don’t need to write dozens a day. Having written one message, proofread it so you know you’ve covered everything, and once you’ve sent it, await a response. Don’t write again until she replies.
It’s also common for the ‘substance’ of messages to do a disappearing act when men gain access to more instant messaging methods; those nice long exchanges about lifestyle, experiences, and aspirations metamorphose into a barrage of meaningless one-liners by SMS, comprised of misspellings and text-speak.
One or two short messages a week may be acceptable, but twenty a day, imparting nothing useful, come across as immature. Keep the substance present, ensuring she has something to talk about with you, otherwise, you’ll appear too childish or boring to date.
Many females are also turned off by men who seem to want to chat endlessly with no sign of progressing to a meeting. If you aren’t arranging to meet, why did you ask for her contact details? She presumably didn’t sign up to a dating site to make a friend.
So, when a woman gives you her contact details, how will you use them?
Will you call her every few hours, looking to chat when she’s in the middle of her work day and becoming offended when she doesn’t reply? Will you pop up saying hello each time you spot her using instant messaging, grabbing her the moment she logs on? Will your 6 a.m. message wake her so she’s unable to sleep again and spends her day tired? Will you keep asking if she’s forgotten you already or whether your planned date’s still on if she’s been silent for a few hours?
If a woman thinks you’ll dominate all her time or need hand-holding and mothering, or if she feels you’ll constantly scrutinize, question and misinterpret everything she does, she’ll back away.
She’s also unlikely to be searching for a man who uses her contact details to send silly jokes or throw-away comments interrupting her day. Wooing women and becoming a nuisance are very different things, and if a woman feels you’re intrusive or hard work, she’ll block you.
- You send questionable messages and photos.
You knew it would be in this list somewhere; yes, there are many men who send unwanted sexual messages and photographs.
Females engage in sexual banter too, to some degree, but if you constantly revert to sex-talk and innuendo no matter what she’s trying to discuss, or send unsolicited pictures or overtly sexual messages, it’s a sure-fire way to kill her interest. Now, she’ll see you as sleazy, and your earlier messages will be forgotten as she reaches for the ‘block’ button.
She Could Have Told Me
You might wonder why a woman blocks you and disappears instead of explaining why she’s no longer keen? It’s because she’s already decided you’re not the one for her, and frankly, she knows that when she says it’s no-go, it’ll be awkward.
She’s wary you’ll reply with all the reasons why she’s missing out or feels worried you might become aggressive or rude. Also, she knows you’ll expect her to reply again, and so it goes on. It’s easier to block you and move on. Dating’s supposed to be fun, and from the female’s point of view, if you’re this suffocating now, how would it be to date you?
Of course, women do all the same adverse things, but whoever’s doing it, the result is the same; it’s the ‘delete’ key swiftly followed by that big, red, ‘block’ button.
It’s time to examine why you act this way and change it before it’s too late. The demand-led style of dating comes from insecurity and attachment disorders, and these cannot be addressed by any woman you meet on a dating site unless she happens to
be a psychotherapist with a few free slots and a willingness to take you as a client.
Each time you place demands, you’re showing your instability, so take time out of dating–online or offline–and seek professional help. If you don’t break the cycle, the pattern will repeat until you learn to be assertive and self-assured.
Women are sufficiently interested in you to strike up conversations online and to give you their contact details, so if you can address your destructive behavior patterns, you’ll soon find yourself in a loving relationship.
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